Take My Hand
by Eigwayne
Summary: Gensoukai fic spoilers. Thoughts. Indecision. A test underway, and I merely wait, wondering who I am, and who I will be when it is done.


Take My Hand

A Yami no Matsuei fic by Elise

Rating: PG. Children should not be thinking like this.  
Warnings: POV fic, spoilers for the Gensoukai arc of the manga –all of it-  
Pairings: none (TsuHi hints if you look, I'm sure^_^)  
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is not mine. I'm just not that cool.  
Summary: Thoughts. Indecision. A test underway, and I merely wait, wondering who I am, and who I will be when it is done.

Notes:  
A weird little fic I wrote while preparing for Anime Boston, trying to get inside Kurikara's head before I had to cosplay him in public. Don't know if it works, but I get so giddy-happy-genki at cons that all characterizations goes out the window.  
Anyways, this is Kurikara-POV and very Hisoka-centric. Also very spoiler-ific, so don't read it without knowledge of the Gensoukai arc. It jumps subject a lot, but you should be able to figure it out. If not, read it again. Nya.

*********

Once, I was a hero. Kurikara, the one who defeated Demon Lords single-handedly, just me and my blades. The Golden Emperor's sword arm. The Fudo MyoOu, Immovable King of Light. The blade that destroys demons. Souryu's friend.

Then, I was the traitor Kurikara. The dragon of black steel, scourge of the Earth with his white-hot breath. The enemy of the Emperor, evil, wretched, two-faced. Devourer of lives. The one who dried the seven oceans. Souryu's enemy.

Now… Now, as I stand here awaiting that child's return, I no longer know who I am.

****

I was at the forge when he came the first time. I could feel Futsunomitama, his anger, his indignance at this intruder. He would have killed him out of hand to keep him from annoying me. 

I don't like to kill needlessly. After seeing so many die, I don't want to blow out a single candle of life unless I must. Futsu does not understand this. For him, it is only me, my wishes, my power and pride that exists. 

That child… Brash, impatient… still a child. I would not be a shikigami to someone like that. 

He persisted, even charged at me, and I thought I killed him when I lashed out instinctually with my ki. But he lived. I thought to end his suffering, but…. That brave little Water shiki. A weak, low-level Riko-type. In the shape of a cactus, of all things. And yet… he would give his life- GAVE his life, for his master. Was that child really worth his existence? He obviously thought so.

****

A Water dragon stands beside me. Souryu's son. I wonder how that happened. So I ask.

I do not like the answer. Enma's power, overflowing from Souryu's body. It does not bother me that Souryu has children. His servants have been at him to marry for centuries. It bothers me that they are formed from the Golden Emperor's power. The same manipulative Emperor whose plans tore me away from Souryu, because I simply could not stand them.

Still, when he's not trying to kill me with words or raining lightning down on innocent forests, Kijin's not so bad a guy.

****

The next time I saw that child, he asked me again to be his shiki. He is tenacious, I give him that. He was completely healed, and with Touda and that other, who had asked to be my Master long ago. I refused him then. I am testing his partner now.

I don't now why. He's a child. A Shinigami child.

Perhaps that is why. At his age, to be hurt enough to remain after death… The others protect him, stand up for him. Is he so special?

I guess we will find out.

****

That child returns at last. He is with two others, but they do not matter now. I see only the tears on that child's face, shining in his eyes, and I want to weep, because it was my test that made him cry. But… I had to test him, push his limits. A child who breaks easily could never control my power. 

The other, Tsuzuki, runs to him, calling his name. That child clings to him. I look at Kijin, but he is not Souryu. He would not understand what I wanted to say to Souryu with a look. 

That child sees me, and straightens, drying his eyes. He pushes Tsuzuki away roughly.

"Kurikara RyuOu-" he begins, but I cut him off with a gesture.

"You survived my test," I say. He merely nods. "Do you still want me, knowing what you do?" The test was not about me; it was about him. He was forced to learn some things about himself that he was not prepared to accept, even a few days ago. I learned that much from speaking with Tsuzuki. 

That child nods again. "I will accept you," he says graciously, "if you can accept me."

"Isn't that where we started from?" I laugh. His mouth quirks into a tiny smile.

"Yeah, it is. So, if I can accept me, will you be mine?"

I look at him. Child's body, adult's mind. Made strong through his own personal Hell. And I have contributed to it. His eyes seem darker than when I tossed him into that wormhole, but he stands straighter, as if he is no longer afraid of the pain. He looks at me, unflinching, and holds out his hand. He may not have forgotten my part in the death of his Riko, but he looks like he has forgiven.

That child is the first to truly forgive me.

I take his hand, and I am his. His sword. His shield. His shikigami.

Hisoka's Kurikara.

*********

End Notes: ^_^ I think Kurikara is very sweet, deep down. And those two others who arrive with Hisoka? I have a theory that the Gensoukaihen and the Kamakurahen are related, and will come together. Thus, the two others are Watari and Tatsumi, returning with Hisoka after his test.

And yes, Kurikara is not referring to Hisoka by name on purpose.


End file.
